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Ok, not really, but probably close. For those of you that don’t know me, I have a sense of humor about that of a 13-year-old boy and the mouth of a trucker. For those of you that know me, I know, NO surprise there. With that said, I struggle and constantly work on both of those characteristics that some find endearing (my close friends) and those who don’t really and probably steer clear of me when they see me in public!! I have taken up not laughing at everything I want to and spelling curse words that I delight in spelling as much as saying. Not sure what I will do when my now 4 year old reaches spelling age. But, as much as I have done so far with motherhood I’ll cross that bridge when i come to it.

I’ve pretty much thrown all of my “I’d never do that” thoughts out the window. I heard once there is a title of a book called “I Was A Great Mother Until I Became One”. That has been my motto since my son was about 12 months old. Because that’s when it all started…

Up until about 1 year, I had read the books when I was pregnant and my husband and I had made decisions about all the big topics: Breast feeding, food choices, disciplining, daycare or wait till preschool etc. You get the idea. Now, those of you with older children know exactly where I am headed with this. RUBBISH! (Yes, the clean version of what I would normally say or spell.) You have all the dreamy ideas of how you are going to raise your bundle of joy and then your bundle of joy takes up bad (while normal) habits. Oh let’s just say, slapping your mother open handed across the face when you don’t get your way. Yes, that really happened, REPEATEDLY. So, to the internet I go. Googling and hitting all the baby websites I can. What to do, what to do. After I had come to the conclusion that I would just grab his arm and firmly tell him “NO” failed numerous times. I had had it. He hit me in the face at the park because he didn’t want to leave. Ok. I took it. I grabbed firmly and I said “NO” very sternly. And again, he hit again, I grab, “no”, you get the idea. Now, if you’ve not had this experience with your child, the smack in the face really brings out some primal urge to retaliate with pain. Now, so far, I’ve managed to not let that happen. And then…

There we were. Slap number 3 on the front porch while trying to get in the front door. And, it happened, I grabbed his arm, I stared him in the eyes and I yelled “if you ever do that again I’m going to rip your arm off and shove it down your throat”. YUP, I said that to the love of my life. I went inside the house, put him in a safe place and sat on the couch and cried. He was fine, pretty sure he didn’t even understand my tone or words (based on the fact that he didn’t stop hitting for a few more months).

I truly, to this day, still feel horrible I would say something so ugly to someone I love so much. However, sometimes those moments bring clarity. I was tired, I was frustrated and I was a MOM. There I said it, I own it and I have moved forward being better for it!

  • Ellen Jan 30, 2013 Reply

    I am sure we have all been there at one time or another! I know I have……

  • Cheryl Mar 11, 2013 Reply

    I needed to read this today. I told my son to “go the f@#k to sleep” today. Not exactly at the top of my game. I should work on the spelling the cuss words thing. Being a mom is probably the toughest job out there. Props for writing this friend!

  • lara.mcfall Mar 13, 2013 Reply

    Hey Cheryl
    there is a book titled “Go The F**K to Sleep”. Seriously!! so that should tell you you are NOT the only one to have ever said that or much worse.

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